This morning I shut off my obnoxious alarm clock and stayed in bed an extra fifteen minutes without even hitting the snooze button, just to be rebellious.
Even the clouds threw a blanket over the sun when it tried to come out all bright and shining, and all the light filtered through rather gray, like the sky itself was sleeping in as long as possible, too.
I rolled out of bed without inspiration but in time to exercise so that my jeans will keep on fitting. I got everyone off to school, told my husband I need a break as if he were at fault but he made me coffee anyway and then I felt guilty for my drama, came home and let the critters out, and sat down to upload photos from the weekend- it’s a nice way to stall and still feel like I’m accomplishing something.
While they uploaded I thought about how my To Do list was so in front of my face this morning that I might as well have had it held in front of me like a newspaper while my kids were eating breakfast on the other side and chattering like they do.
My husband’s cousin posted a picture of her kitchen floor, her kids painted numbers onto the squares with washable paint. I know she has laundry to run and food to cook and bills to pay but I appreciated how she took enough time away from the Necessaries to do something unconventional, something that showed her kids how she loved them in deed, not just in word. I thought of last night how we got home late from a Dairy Queen run for my birthday, but my husband sat in the middle of the floor in the kid’s room and read something out of the Gospels to them. I would have found a reason to skip it since it’s past bedtime, but he loves them enough to want them to really know God so he teaches them even when he’s tired.
And I realize how my To Do list is so often just a way to get out of really practically loving my kids, my husband, and all the people in my life.
Loving them means getting creative, unconventional, and giving little pieces of myself all day long. The To-Do list is the easy part. But it takes stooping, daily, hourly, sometimes even more than that, to drink from the well that never runs dry- from Love Himself- to really love the people I’ve been ordained to love today.
Maybe it means painting the kitchen floor one day, making something real for my husband to eat when he gets home and is tired, maybe it means reading to my son and making sure my Middle Child doesn’t feel forgotten when the oldest is doing everything first and the youngest is being super cute.
Maybe it means seeing God’s grace in my very life today, and praying for strength to help these critters get in the habit of seeing it in theirs, too.